1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:03,140 --> 00:00:07,290 How I Met Your Mother 1x03 Original Airdate: October 3, 2005 2 00:00:08,772 --> 00:00:13,544 - Resync by AdyMcAwsum - www.MY-SUBS.com 3 00:00:14,302 --> 00:00:17,171 OLDER TED: So there was this one night, before I met your mother, 4 00:00:17,271 --> 00:00:19,207 when I really wanted to go to the bar. 5 00:00:19,307 --> 00:00:21,741 The bar. Big surprise. 6 00:00:21,843 --> 00:00:23,978 You sure spent a lot of time in bars. 7 00:00:24,078 --> 00:00:26,047 Well, that's just what we did back then. 8 00:00:26,147 --> 00:00:30,174 Me, Marshall and Lily, Barney, Robin. 9 00:00:30,284 --> 00:00:34,188 We all used to hang out at this one bar called MacLaren's. 10 00:00:34,288 --> 00:00:35,590 But then one night... 11 00:00:35,690 --> 00:00:38,126 - Why don't we go to MacLaren's? - Let's go to MacLaren's. 12 00:00:38,226 --> 00:00:40,861 You guys talking to each other? 13 00:00:41,029 --> 00:00:43,564 - Nobody's listening? - What's wrong with MacLaren's? 14 00:00:43,664 --> 00:00:47,468 MacLaren's is bore snore. Ted, tonight we're gonna go out. 15 00:00:47,568 --> 00:00:52,740 We're gonna meet some ladies, it's gonna be legendary. Phone-five! 16 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:57,011 OLDER TED: I had no idea why I hung out with Barney. 17 00:00:57,111 --> 00:01:01,549 You didn't phone-five, did you? I know when you don't phone-five, Ted. 18 00:01:01,649 --> 00:01:04,485 Come on. We always go to MacLaren's. 19 00:01:04,585 --> 00:01:06,554 Yeah, 'cause MacLaren's is fun. 20 00:01:06,654 --> 00:01:08,890 MacLaren's is this much fun. 21 00:01:08,990 --> 00:01:13,094 What I'm offering is the chance to have this much fun. 22 00:01:13,194 --> 00:01:15,863 See, you say that. You say it's gonna be this much fun, 23 00:01:15,963 --> 00:01:18,900 but most of the time, it ends up being this much fun. 24 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,803 This much fun is good. It's safe. It's guaranteed. 25 00:01:21,903 --> 00:01:24,405 This hand-gesture thing doesn't really work on the phone, does it? 26 00:01:24,505 --> 00:01:26,505 No, it doesn't. 27 00:01:26,607 --> 00:01:28,810 Get in the cab. Marshall, you, too. 28 00:01:28,910 --> 00:01:30,979 I wish I could. I think Lily and I are just gonna... 29 00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:33,815 - I understand. Get in the cab. - Why can Marshall say no? 30 00:01:33,915 --> 00:01:36,125 Because he's getting laid. 31 00:01:36,517 --> 00:01:38,517 Consistently. 32 00:01:38,619 --> 00:01:40,722 Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here. 33 00:01:40,822 --> 00:01:43,624 You keep going to the same bar. You're in a rut. 34 00:01:43,724 --> 00:01:47,261 And I am a rut-buster. I'm going to bust your rut. 35 00:01:47,361 --> 00:01:51,032 It's not a rut, okay? It's a routine and I like it. 36 00:01:51,132 --> 00:01:54,957 Ted, what's the first syllable in 'rut-tine'? 37 00:02:02,477 --> 00:02:04,477 Peace out, suckers! 38 00:02:06,681 --> 00:02:08,416 All right, so what's this legendary plan? 39 00:02:08,516 --> 00:02:10,318 First, we gotta pick someone up at the airport. 40 00:02:10,418 --> 00:02:13,903 - Okay, I'm out of here. - Estaban, doors! 41 00:02:16,757 --> 00:02:20,361 Okay, we just do this one little thing and the rest of the night is ours. 42 00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:23,031 Why do you have those suitcases and who are we picking up? 43 00:02:23,131 --> 00:02:26,066 I don't know. Maybe her. Or her. 44 00:02:27,034 --> 00:02:30,571 Wait. So, when you said you were going to pick someone up at the airport, 45 00:02:30,671 --> 00:02:35,009 you meant you were going to pick someone up at the airport? 46 00:02:35,109 --> 00:02:36,244 Scenario. 47 00:02:36,344 --> 00:02:39,680 Couple of girls fly into town looking for a fun weekend in NYC... 48 00:02:39,780 --> 00:02:42,650 when they meet two handsome international businessmen... 49 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:46,087 just back from a lucrative trip to Japan. 50 00:02:46,187 --> 00:02:48,489 Sample dialog. You have a wheelie bag? 51 00:02:48,589 --> 00:02:50,591 Why, I have a wheelie bag. 52 00:02:50,691 --> 00:02:52,760 - You've got to be kidding me. - False. 53 00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:55,496 Sidebar. Tuck in your shirt. You look sketchy. 54 00:02:55,596 --> 00:02:59,233 - I'm sketchy? - Trust me, it's gonna be legendary. 55 00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:00,701 Don't say legendary, okay? 56 00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:03,438 You're too liberal with the word legendary. 57 00:03:03,538 --> 00:03:06,874 We're building an igloo in Central Park. It's gonna be legendary. 58 00:03:06,974 --> 00:03:08,974 Snowsuit up! 59 00:03:10,044 --> 00:03:12,274 Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here! 60 00:03:12,747 --> 00:03:13,781 This is happening. 61 00:03:13,881 --> 00:03:15,616 Now, you can either put the bags on the carousel now... 62 00:03:15,716 --> 00:03:17,618 or you can listen to me give you a really long speech... 63 00:03:17,718 --> 00:03:22,563 convincing you to put the bags on the carousel. Your move. 64 00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:27,410 Ted, since the dawn of time, mankind has struggled... 65 00:03:28,196 --> 00:03:30,665 That night, Marshall had a ton of studying to do. 66 00:03:30,765 --> 00:03:32,066 So, Lily went out with Robin... 67 00:03:32,166 --> 00:03:34,735 who was new to New York and looking for a friend. 68 00:03:34,835 --> 00:03:36,838 I'm so glad we finally get to hang out, 69 00:03:36,938 --> 00:03:38,372 - just the two of us. - Yeah. 70 00:03:38,472 --> 00:03:40,641 And you sure you're okay giving up your Friday night... 71 00:03:40,741 --> 00:03:42,910 to hang with an old, almost-married lady? 72 00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:45,346 Oh, please. I'm so sick of the meat-market scene. 73 00:03:45,446 --> 00:03:46,881 Guys are like the subway. 74 00:03:46,981 --> 00:03:49,350 You miss one, another one comes along in five minutes. 75 00:03:49,450 --> 00:03:54,720 Unless it's the end of the night, and then you get on anything. 76 00:03:55,122 --> 00:03:57,162 Compliments of that guy. 77 00:03:58,726 --> 00:04:01,194 Really? Sweet. 78 00:04:01,295 --> 00:04:03,295 Oh. For you it's $6. 79 00:04:04,098 --> 00:04:07,001 I guess that's one drawback to being engaged. 80 00:04:07,101 --> 00:04:09,770 - I'm sure that's why he did it. - Hey. 81 00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:11,870 Oh, hello. 82 00:04:16,677 --> 00:04:19,822 So, did you just get in from Detroit? 83 00:04:21,782 --> 00:04:23,782 Japan. 84 00:04:27,922 --> 00:04:30,558 Okay, carousel four is tapped out. Ready? 85 00:04:30,658 --> 00:04:35,763 'Cause I'm about to drop some knowledge. Cute girls are not from Buffalo. 86 00:04:35,863 --> 00:04:37,863 Time out. Ten o'clock. 87 00:04:38,466 --> 00:04:39,667 You ready to rock this, Tedder? 88 00:04:39,767 --> 00:04:41,936 All right, I think we need to refine our back-story first. 89 00:04:42,036 --> 00:04:46,116 - How did we... - Ted! You klutzy, great guy you! 90 00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:49,110 Hey. Barney. 91 00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:50,912 - Hi. - My God, are you okay? 92 00:04:51,012 --> 00:04:53,181 - I am so sorry. - It's fine, no. 93 00:04:53,281 --> 00:04:56,684 You were a little shaky on your landing. I'd give you a 9.2. 94 00:04:56,784 --> 00:04:57,985 Hi, I'm Ted. 95 00:04:58,085 --> 00:05:00,621 Laura. Look, I'm really sorry that we have to hit and run, 96 00:05:00,721 --> 00:05:01,923 but we've got a plane to catch. 97 00:05:02,023 --> 00:05:03,858 - Oh, where are you headed? - Philadelphia. 98 00:05:03,958 --> 00:05:07,868 - Philly? That's where we're headed. - You are? 99 00:05:07,962 --> 00:05:12,807 - Well, then, we'll see you on the plane. - Yes, you will. 100 00:05:13,167 --> 00:05:15,870 - Follow them. Tickets on me. - No. Barney! 101 00:05:15,970 --> 00:05:18,690 Don't you get on that escalator! 102 00:05:18,806 --> 00:05:23,141 And don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator! 103 00:05:45,599 --> 00:05:47,599 (CELL PHONE RINGING)... 104 00:05:52,106 --> 00:05:54,175 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 105 00:05:54,275 --> 00:05:58,379 Hey, guess where I am? I'm on a... Ready? Plane to... Ready? Philadelphia. 106 00:05:58,479 --> 00:06:01,048 - That is awesome. - Hey, is that Marshall? 107 00:06:01,148 --> 00:06:02,450 Marshall, stop whatever you're doing, 108 00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:05,019 get in that hoopty-ass Fiero of yours and come meet us in Philly. 109 00:06:05,119 --> 00:06:06,420 It's gonna be legendary! 110 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,389 Man, I wish I could, guys... 111 00:06:08,489 --> 00:06:13,929 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sent you some pictures on my phone. Check it. 112 00:06:17,031 --> 00:06:19,031 Philly! 113 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,369 Admit it, you're having fun. 114 00:06:21,469 --> 00:06:24,905 This much... 35,000 feet of fun. 115 00:06:25,005 --> 00:06:26,707 Well, I didn't think I'd be flying to Philadelphia... 116 00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:28,542 when I woke up this morning, I'll give you that. 117 00:06:28,642 --> 00:06:30,845 Attaboy. Now let's go talk to those girls. 118 00:06:30,945 --> 00:06:32,713 Wait, wait. The seat-belt sign's on. 119 00:06:32,813 --> 00:06:36,884 Ted, you've been living your whole life in a seat belt. 120 00:06:36,984 --> 00:06:38,984 It's time to unclick. 121 00:06:41,255 --> 00:06:46,015 - Sir, seat-belt light's on. - Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry. 122 00:06:47,328 --> 00:06:48,763 Well, I grew up in Park Slope. 123 00:06:48,863 --> 00:06:51,599 Oh, I love Park Slope. When did you move to Manhattan? 124 00:06:51,699 --> 00:06:54,929 - You're from Park Slope? - No, she is. 125 00:06:55,002 --> 00:06:57,505 So, where are you from? Heaven? 126 00:06:57,605 --> 00:06:59,273 Yeah, I'm a ghost. 127 00:06:59,373 --> 00:07:03,113 I died 15 years ago, like that pick-up line. 128 00:07:04,645 --> 00:07:06,981 - God, I'm so sorry. - Oh, believe me, I've been there. 129 00:07:07,081 --> 00:07:11,152 I have this line that I use when guys come up... Check it out. 130 00:07:11,252 --> 00:07:13,252 Hey. 131 00:07:13,587 --> 00:07:17,667 You take this one, I'll save it for the next one. 132 00:07:19,293 --> 00:07:22,196 - So, what brings you guys to Philly? - We're visiting our boyfriends. 133 00:07:22,296 --> 00:07:25,433 I think Chris is gonna propose this weekend. 134 00:07:25,533 --> 00:07:27,533 Isn't that great? 135 00:07:28,068 --> 00:07:30,068 So great. 136 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,568 So, there we were, 137 00:07:36,668 --> 00:07:40,339 stuck on an airplane to Philadelphia with two very un-single girls. 138 00:07:40,439 --> 00:07:42,307 All thanks to your Uncle Barney. 139 00:07:42,407 --> 00:07:43,842 Aren't they cute? 140 00:07:43,942 --> 00:07:47,612 - They're both linebackers for the Eagles. - Both! 141 00:07:47,712 --> 00:07:51,197 Both of their boyfriends are linebackers. 142 00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,765 You're going to Philly? Why? 143 00:07:56,455 --> 00:07:58,455 I didn't ask. 144 00:07:58,623 --> 00:08:01,793 Well, it sounds like you're having a lot more fun than I am. 145 00:08:01,893 --> 00:08:05,030 I'm just talking to guys' backs while they hit on Robin. 146 00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:07,733 Well, yeah, I bet she gets that a lot. 147 00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:09,768 Don't you bet I get that a lot? 148 00:08:09,868 --> 00:08:11,103 Not with a ring on your finger. 149 00:08:11,203 --> 00:08:15,407 I mean, you know, guys see the ring, it's, like, Marshall parking only. 150 00:08:15,507 --> 00:08:18,076 Oh, of course. That's it. The ring. 151 00:08:18,176 --> 00:08:19,711 I guess I'm not used to it yet. 152 00:08:19,811 --> 00:08:22,581 Oh, it's totally the ring. If you took that ring off your finger... 153 00:08:22,681 --> 00:08:25,150 you'd have a ton of guys crowding your junk. 154 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:27,185 I'm not gonna take off my ring. 155 00:08:27,285 --> 00:08:31,256 Wouldn't you be jealous of guys swarming all over my beeswax? 156 00:08:31,356 --> 00:08:34,493 Oh, yeah. You know me, I'm the jealous type. 157 00:08:34,593 --> 00:08:37,662 Any goon so much as looks at you, I'll sock him in the kisser! 158 00:08:37,762 --> 00:08:40,098 No, seriously, you girls have a good time tonight. 159 00:08:40,198 --> 00:08:41,366 Bye. 160 00:08:41,466 --> 00:08:43,591 (MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 161 00:08:48,540 --> 00:08:50,540 Robin! Robin! 162 00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:53,309 Hey, I'm over here. 163 00:08:54,546 --> 00:08:56,912 Going to Philly! 164 00:08:57,315 --> 00:08:59,017 Marshall, don't come to Philly. 165 00:08:59,117 --> 00:09:00,819 But we're on an adventure. 166 00:09:00,919 --> 00:09:02,721 We're on a tarmac in Philadelphia. 167 00:09:02,821 --> 00:09:04,821 Crazy adventure. 168 00:09:05,657 --> 00:09:07,657 Fine. 169 00:09:08,026 --> 00:09:11,359 No. No. The night has just started. 170 00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:14,266 Look, airport bar. Flight attendants. 171 00:09:14,366 --> 00:09:16,902 They'll get your tray table in its full, upright position. 172 00:09:17,002 --> 00:09:20,238 - Say what? - Passengers Mosby and Stinson? 173 00:09:20,338 --> 00:09:21,873 Please come with us, gentlemen. 174 00:09:21,973 --> 00:09:25,777 - Keep your hands where I can see them. - Barney, I am going to kill you. 175 00:09:25,877 --> 00:09:28,947 Don't say you're gonna kill someone in front of airport security. 176 00:09:29,047 --> 00:09:31,047 Not cool. Not cool. 177 00:09:32,651 --> 00:09:34,881 This is an outrage. 178 00:09:34,986 --> 00:09:36,955 We are international businessmen... 179 00:09:37,055 --> 00:09:39,591 on a very important international business trip. 180 00:09:39,691 --> 00:09:42,060 I demand you release us immediately. 181 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,896 You demand? No, no, no, no, he does not demand. 182 00:09:44,996 --> 00:09:46,465 We have no demands. 183 00:09:46,565 --> 00:09:48,834 Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to remain calm. 184 00:09:48,934 --> 00:09:51,069 Okay, I'm calm. I'm totally calm. 185 00:09:51,169 --> 00:09:55,207 We've got footage of you placing two bags on JFK carousel three, 186 00:09:55,307 --> 00:09:59,711 and abandoning them to purchase a last-minute flight with cash. 187 00:09:59,811 --> 00:10:02,314 - Those bags were your responsibility. - They were your bags. 188 00:10:02,414 --> 00:10:03,949 Sir, please. 189 00:10:04,049 --> 00:10:06,939 We're assessing the bag situation. 190 00:10:07,586 --> 00:10:09,586 (BEEPING) 191 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:12,924 Look. This is all just... It's a misunderstanding. 192 00:10:13,024 --> 00:10:15,024 Please. 193 00:10:15,327 --> 00:10:17,896 We are international businessmen. 194 00:10:17,996 --> 00:10:20,665 My colleague accidentally left the bags there. 195 00:10:20,765 --> 00:10:26,800 Now, please let us go before we miss our international business meeting. 196 00:10:26,805 --> 00:10:29,574 Can't remember the last time I saw an international businessman... 197 00:10:29,674 --> 00:10:31,674 with an untucked shirt. 198 00:10:32,143 --> 00:10:38,008 In addition, we received this footage, taken over the last few months. 199 00:11:02,874 --> 00:11:06,869 Believe it or not, that duffle bag thing worked. 200 00:11:07,512 --> 00:11:09,915 The truth is, my friend, he does this thing... 201 00:11:10,015 --> 00:11:12,417 where he goes to airports with fake luggage to pick up girls. 202 00:11:12,517 --> 00:11:14,419 And we followed some here to Philadelphia. 203 00:11:14,519 --> 00:11:17,069 That's it. That's all this is. 204 00:11:17,689 --> 00:11:19,424 Nobody's that lame. 205 00:11:19,524 --> 00:11:23,434 Yes, he's that lame. Tell him you're that lame. 206 00:11:25,697 --> 00:11:28,366 - We are international businessmen... - Oh, come on! 207 00:11:28,466 --> 00:11:31,670 Sir! Lower your voice or I will restrain you. 208 00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:33,829 Dude, seriously, relax. 209 00:11:34,673 --> 00:11:38,243 - We at least get to call our lawyer. - Exactly. 210 00:11:38,343 --> 00:11:40,343 We have a lawyer? 211 00:11:40,512 --> 00:11:42,914 Listen to me. You're both American citizens. 212 00:11:43,014 --> 00:11:46,218 Don't let them pull any Patriot-Act voodoo. You both retain the right... 213 00:11:46,318 --> 00:11:48,687 to refuse to answer any questions without an attorney present. 214 00:11:48,787 --> 00:11:50,855 So don't say anything until I get there, all right? 215 00:11:50,955 --> 00:11:52,955 Okay, goodbye. 216 00:12:03,401 --> 00:12:04,369 (MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 217 00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:07,544 Oh, it's ridiculous in here. Why don't we go somewhere else? 218 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,772 No. This place is great. 219 00:12:13,684 --> 00:12:15,953 - What are you doing? - What? 220 00:12:16,053 --> 00:12:18,603 With your lips and everything? 221 00:12:18,856 --> 00:12:21,321 My lips are always like this. 222 00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:32,417 You had to play the race card. 223 00:12:33,704 --> 00:12:36,340 Relax, Ted, we didn't do anything wrong. 224 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:41,111 And, BTW, we'd be out of here by now if you'd have tucked in your shirt. 225 00:12:41,211 --> 00:12:43,881 Go ahead, JFK. What is the baggage status? 226 00:12:43,981 --> 00:12:47,417 They're clean. It's just a whole bunch of condoms. 227 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,517 And a PowerBar. 228 00:12:50,754 --> 00:12:52,754 You're free to go. 229 00:12:53,957 --> 00:12:55,192 TED: Don't come to Philly. 230 00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:57,661 - Man, I'm almost halfway there. - Yeah, we just got released... 231 00:12:57,761 --> 00:12:59,129 and we're heading back on the next flight. 232 00:12:59,229 --> 00:13:01,398 Meet us at MacLaren's. Maybe we can still make last call. 233 00:13:01,498 --> 00:13:05,969 - Can't we just... - No, we can't 'just', we're going home. 234 00:13:06,069 --> 00:13:08,639 - We're going to Sascha's. - Who the hell is Sascha? 235 00:13:08,739 --> 00:13:10,174 Sascha. 236 00:13:10,274 --> 00:13:13,177 She's having friends over for drinks at her house. 237 00:13:13,277 --> 00:13:15,979 It's gonna be legend... Wait for it, 238 00:13:16,079 --> 00:13:17,548 and I hope you're not lactose intolerant, 239 00:13:17,648 --> 00:13:20,050 'cause the second half of that word is 'dairy.' 240 00:13:20,150 --> 00:13:21,952 - No! - Legendary! 241 00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:25,455 - Legendary? That sounds awesome! - No, Marshall, we're going back. 242 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:26,757 Fine. 243 00:13:26,857 --> 00:13:29,026 Hold on, I have another call. 244 00:13:29,126 --> 00:13:31,528 - Hello? - Marshall, we're going to Sascha's. 245 00:13:31,628 --> 00:13:33,230 No, we're not. 246 00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:36,645 Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here. Yes, we are. 247 00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,250 Sorry, buddy. Two against one. 248 00:13:41,305 --> 00:13:43,473 - Look, a booth opened up. - Really? 249 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,443 Yeah, I thought we could finally go talk and you're not listening to me, 250 00:13:46,543 --> 00:13:50,368 - so I'm gonna walk away. - Yeah, yeah, booth. 251 00:13:54,217 --> 00:13:56,217 - Hey. - Hey. 252 00:13:56,586 --> 00:14:00,490 I'm engaged. You know, I'm sorry. I took my ring off. 253 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:03,727 It's very, very sweet of you to come over and talk to me, but I just... 254 00:14:03,827 --> 00:14:05,629 Yeah, I'm gay. 255 00:14:05,729 --> 00:14:10,489 I just came over to let you know that you sat on a grape. 256 00:14:11,401 --> 00:14:13,401 Damn it! 257 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,076 So, Barney and I hit the town. 258 00:14:19,176 --> 00:14:20,811 Philadelphia, PA. 259 00:14:20,911 --> 00:14:24,311 Our first and only stop, Sascha's party. 260 00:14:25,549 --> 00:14:27,549 (HORSE WHINNYING ON TV) 261 00:14:28,652 --> 00:14:31,457 So, you're Sascha's friends, huh? 262 00:14:31,555 --> 00:14:33,555 You know it. 263 00:14:34,257 --> 00:14:40,462 (WHISPERING) You guys, keep the volume down. You're gonna wake my grandpa. 264 00:14:41,398 --> 00:14:43,438 Who wants hard lemonade? 265 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,807 Philly! 266 00:14:53,577 --> 00:14:55,577 (WHISPERING) Philly. 267 00:15:01,164 --> 00:15:05,235 Back at the bar, girls' night out wasn't going as Robin had hoped. 268 00:15:05,335 --> 00:15:07,335 (CELL PHONE RINGING)... 269 00:15:10,874 --> 00:15:14,019 - Lily's phone. - Robin? Where's Lily? 270 00:15:14,177 --> 00:15:18,443 - She's... - Is she talking to some hot guy? 271 00:15:18,548 --> 00:15:21,217 You can tell me. It's totally cool. It was my idea. 272 00:15:21,317 --> 00:15:23,219 Hell, I told her she could take the ring off. 273 00:15:23,319 --> 00:15:26,289 Really? Well, I thought it was kind of weird, but if you're cool with it... 274 00:15:26,389 --> 00:15:28,858 Yeah, it's off, and she's talking to some guy. 275 00:15:28,958 --> 00:15:33,897 - Do you want me to go over and... - No! Don't interrupt. It's awesome. 276 00:15:33,997 --> 00:15:36,632 So, the ring's really off, huh? 277 00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:39,367 Awesome. 278 00:15:40,070 --> 00:15:42,105 Well, just tell her I called... 279 00:15:42,205 --> 00:15:46,039 and tell her that she's awesome. 280 00:15:59,856 --> 00:16:01,856 (CHOCKING) 281 00:16:04,561 --> 00:16:07,831 Did you hear that, Ted? Dana works security at the Liberty Bell. 282 00:16:07,931 --> 00:16:09,699 I do okay. 283 00:16:09,799 --> 00:16:11,835 Wow, it must be really well cordoned-off over there. 284 00:16:11,935 --> 00:16:14,504 Do you ever go behind the rope and touch it? 285 00:16:14,604 --> 00:16:15,872 Only all the time. 286 00:16:15,972 --> 00:16:18,908 You ever, like, stick your head inside it? 287 00:16:19,008 --> 00:16:20,677 Yeah. 288 00:16:20,777 --> 00:16:23,678 - Do you ever lick it? - Nope. 289 00:16:24,581 --> 00:16:26,581 I have never licked it. 290 00:16:27,517 --> 00:16:31,988 I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell. 291 00:16:32,088 --> 00:16:34,024 If someone were to pull that off, 292 00:16:34,124 --> 00:16:37,694 I dare say it would be... What's the word? 293 00:16:37,994 --> 00:16:41,479 - Well, this is my stop. - Ted, legendary. 294 00:16:41,531 --> 00:16:43,933 Barney, I'm going to the airport. Sascha, thank you. 295 00:16:44,033 --> 00:16:49,643 And tell your grandpa I'm sorry I walked in on him in the bathroom. 296 00:16:49,906 --> 00:16:53,221 I'll get some club soda for that stain. 297 00:16:54,944 --> 00:16:57,247 Lily, I thought tonight was about us hanging out? 298 00:16:57,347 --> 00:16:58,615 What are you doing? 299 00:16:58,715 --> 00:17:02,419 Just fending off the advances of that totally hot guy. 300 00:17:02,519 --> 00:17:06,389 - Dude, I think that guy is gay. - I know that guy is gay. 301 00:17:06,489 --> 00:17:09,159 It's just... Marshall and I have been together for nine years. 302 00:17:09,259 --> 00:17:11,628 I haven't been single since high school. 303 00:17:11,728 --> 00:17:13,063 You wanna be single? 304 00:17:13,163 --> 00:17:16,633 You wanna fight off loser guys all night? Does that seem like fun to you? 305 00:17:16,733 --> 00:17:20,103 I guess I just wanted to throw this net back into the ocean... 306 00:17:20,203 --> 00:17:22,672 and see how many fish I could catch. 307 00:17:22,772 --> 00:17:25,237 So far, one. One gay dolphin. 308 00:17:26,009 --> 00:17:27,577 And Marshall. 309 00:17:27,677 --> 00:17:29,312 Lily, all these girls here tonight... 310 00:17:29,412 --> 00:17:32,015 are all hoping to catch what you've already got. 311 00:17:32,115 --> 00:17:34,115 You're right. I know. 312 00:17:34,884 --> 00:17:38,555 Hey, do you wanna go get coffee and have an actual conversation? 313 00:17:38,655 --> 00:17:42,318 If by coffee you mean cheesecake, then yes. 314 00:17:42,659 --> 00:17:46,029 Hey, I got the club soda. Let's see that booty. 315 00:17:46,129 --> 00:17:48,129 Thank you so much. 316 00:17:52,101 --> 00:17:53,369 You wanna mess, pal? 317 00:17:53,469 --> 00:17:56,072 That's my fiancée's hot backside that you're dabbing! 318 00:17:56,172 --> 00:17:58,441 - Marshall, no! - Baby, please. 319 00:17:58,541 --> 00:18:01,778 Don't ever take that ring off again, no matter how awesome I say that it is. 320 00:18:01,878 --> 00:18:03,646 - It's okay, man. - Back off, hombre! 321 00:18:03,746 --> 00:18:05,582 I'm not that afraid to fight you! 322 00:18:05,682 --> 00:18:08,518 You wanna test this, guy? Be my guest, come on. 323 00:18:08,618 --> 00:18:10,386 Marshall, he's gay. 324 00:18:10,486 --> 00:18:13,323 Oh, thank God. I've never been in a fight before. 325 00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:15,423 You don't say. 326 00:18:15,692 --> 00:18:18,661 So, it turned out Uncle Marshall really was the jealous type. 327 00:18:18,761 --> 00:18:23,691 Unfortunately, that guy's boyfriend? Also the jealous type. 328 00:18:24,534 --> 00:18:26,534 (LILY EXCLAIMS) 329 00:18:33,409 --> 00:18:36,214 Could've licked the Liberty Bell. 330 00:18:36,546 --> 00:18:38,841 We're going to the airport. 331 00:18:40,283 --> 00:18:42,283 Bong. 332 00:18:42,819 --> 00:18:44,819 Bong. 333 00:18:44,888 --> 00:18:47,490 Why do I hang out with you? Why? 334 00:18:47,590 --> 00:18:50,560 All I wanted was to have a regular beer at my regular bar, 335 00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:53,496 with my regular friends in my regular city. 336 00:18:53,596 --> 00:18:55,596 Ted, Ted, Ted. 337 00:18:55,999 --> 00:18:59,035 - You're not even looking. - No, I'm not. 338 00:18:59,135 --> 00:19:03,506 Look, our forefathers died for the pursuit of happiness. Okay? 339 00:19:03,606 --> 00:19:06,643 Not for the sit-around-and-wait of happiness. 340 00:19:06,743 --> 00:19:10,280 Now, if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, 341 00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:15,118 talk to the same people every day. Or you can lick the Liberty Bell. 342 00:19:15,218 --> 00:19:20,148 You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it. 343 00:19:21,925 --> 00:19:23,965 That was beautiful, man. 344 00:19:24,861 --> 00:19:26,529 Thanks, Leonard. 345 00:19:26,629 --> 00:19:29,199 Ted, you're missing out on a valuable life lesson here. 346 00:19:29,299 --> 00:19:32,936 Look, I don't need you to teach me how to live, okay? I know how to live. 347 00:19:33,036 --> 00:19:36,005 If you wanna go lick the Liberty Bell, just go lick it yourself. 348 00:19:36,105 --> 00:19:39,442 - No. It has to be the two of us. - Why? Why do you need me? 349 00:19:39,542 --> 00:19:42,512 Because you're my best friend, all right? 350 00:19:42,612 --> 00:19:47,250 You don't have to tell me I'm yours. But the way I see it, we're a team. 351 00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:51,650 Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno. 352 00:19:52,922 --> 00:19:54,123 So, fine. 353 00:19:54,223 --> 00:19:58,489 If you wanna go home, then we'll go home. 354 00:19:59,295 --> 00:20:01,295 (SIGHING) 355 00:20:02,265 --> 00:20:05,962 Fine. We'll go lick the Liberty Bell. 356 00:20:06,302 --> 00:20:08,342 Good, 'cause we're here. 357 00:20:09,339 --> 00:20:12,508 I had no idea how Barney redirected the cab without me knowing, 358 00:20:12,608 --> 00:20:14,577 but we got out, Dana let us in, 359 00:20:14,677 --> 00:20:17,480 and by God, we licked the Liberty Bell. 360 00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:21,150 - And you know what it tastes like? - What? 361 00:20:21,951 --> 00:20:23,653 Freedom. 362 00:20:23,753 --> 00:20:26,356 No, actually it tastes like pennies. 363 00:20:26,456 --> 00:20:29,425 Oh, my God. Did you guys really do that? 364 00:20:29,525 --> 00:20:30,994 OLDER TED: We really did. 365 00:20:31,094 --> 00:20:34,063 And that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. 366 00:20:34,163 --> 00:20:40,453 I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story. 367 00:20:42,205 --> 00:20:45,141 So, that girl you were talking to, that was Mom? 368 00:20:45,241 --> 00:20:47,810 Kids, every story in a man's life is like a dot... 369 00:20:47,910 --> 00:20:50,680 - in an impressionist painting, and when... - So that's a no? 370 00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:52,780 Yeah, that's a no. 371 00:20:53,149 --> 00:20:55,149 What? Come on. 372 00:20:55,781 --> 00:21:00,464 - Resync by AdyMcAwsum - www.MY-SUBS.com